


I hope we never change

by louloubaby92



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Arguing, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Past Cheating, Past Relationship(s), kink talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:21:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25537246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louloubaby92/pseuds/louloubaby92
Summary: Niall Horan is a very good friend. He prides himself on his loyalty, on the fact that everyone he knows has no problem at all confiding in him and that even the shyest and quietest people are easily disarmed by him (take for example his best friend Zayn Malik, master of brooding and king of woe is me).-Or the story about how Niall finds himself caught in the middle of Harry and Louis' shenanigans that he almost fails to notice his relationship with Zayn turning into something different than what its been for years.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan/Zayn Malik
Comments: 12
Kudos: 26
Collections: Heartbreak Weather Fic Fest, One Direction





	1. So go ahead and say what's on your mind

**Author's Note:**

> my first ever ziall fic so go easy on me, yeah?
> 
> fic title inspired of course by one of Mr. Niall Horan's greatest hits, ''No judgement''

Niall Horan is a very good friend. He prides himself on his loyalty, on the fact that everyone he knows has no problem at all confiding in him and that even the shyest and quietest people are easily disarmed by him (take for example his best friend Zayn Malik, master of brooding and king of woe is me).

He’s a humble person, don’t get him wrong but he loves the fact that nothing fazes him, that he’s a good secret keeper, that he knows things before most people do because if there’s anyone who is always in the know-how before anyone else, it’s him and everyone knows it. He loves that people love that about him; his cool demeanor, his sense of loyalty and how unflappable he. It’s so rare that someone could ever shake his feathers…

But not impossible

It happens on a night out. He’s out partying with his mates in some club. He’s just started his third year of uni, living it up with his friends, already on his third beer. He’s sharing a flat with Zayn, Louis and Harry. Liam is just two floors below with his mates. The whole building is leasing apartments for rent for uni students but since they’re not first year students, they get the big apartments with four bedrooms and two bathrooms which is just ace.

He and Zayn are sat by the bar, drinking and watching Liam flirt with some babe and Louis moving like sin, sandwiched between two lads. Harry is somewhere off to the toilets. He’s been gone a while or so they thought.

‘’Do you think they’ll ever get their shit together?’’ Niall asks as they watch Harry stare down at Louis from across the room. Everyone in their circle of friends think that Harry and Louis are already hooking up, hell they think he and Zayn have at least tried shagging once because of how close they are but Louis and Harry are just on a whole other level because they might not be dating but they are definitely gay for each other, just totally and completely unaware.

‘’Not in a million years,’’ Zayn says as he takes a sip of his beer. ‘’I mean, look at them.’’

Niall is looking, hell he’s been looking for two years now, ever since it had come to his attention that Harry and Louis are fucking oblivious and yet, have no problems throwing an irrational fit when Niall sets Louis up with someone or Zayn drags Harry out on a double date.

‘’You’re right, once an idiot, always an idiot,’’ Niall mutters as they watch Harry stomp his way over to them.

‘’Hey, did you veto those guys?’’ Harry points a thumb behind him, indicating the two guys dancing and grinding and twerking with Louis.

‘’Veto? Who talks like that, Haz? We’re not mobsters,’’ Niall snorts as he slides a pint towards Harry who takes his seat between him and Zayn.

‘’But do we know them?’’ Harry asks, eyes on Louis. Niall and Zayn share a look above Harry’s set of curls.

‘’I think I will go ahead and introduce myself,’’ Zayn finishes his drink and leaves the bar. Niall watches him go with amusement. Louis has a great arse but there’s just something magnetic about Zayn too and the two of them combined, they’re going to be attracting a pack of wolves at this point.

‘’So,’’ he turns to Harry. Now that he’s left with him, he owes to try and distract him. He orders a pair of shots each and he and Harry do not hesitate to empty them. ‘’How’s your classes so far?’’

‘’Can I tell you something?’’ Harry blurts out. Niall looks at him above the rim of his half-finished drink. It takes a lot to get him drunk so he’s just mellow. Harry is taking small sips from his drink since he gets all fuzzy after doing shots. Niall knows that when he’s done with his pint, he won’t be able to stand straight.

‘’Sure,’’ Niall drawls, lifting his glass to his lips.

‘’Is it normal that I really want to bend him over?’’ Harry slurs, big green eyes on him, cheeks flushed.

Niall spews his drink.

‘’Bend who over?’’

‘’Don’t be dense,’’ Harry burps. ‘’Sunshine over there,’’

‘’Sunshine?’’

Harry rolls his eyes. ‘’Blouis, Niall. Keep up.’’

Now, Niall knows that Harry and Louis like each other but it’s never been put into words and they’ve never spoken about it. It was like a game to Niall and Zayn, even Liam and half their friends, watching the way these two acted around each other as if their apparent crush on each other wasn’t as apparent as a neon sign. For as long as he’s known them, Harry and Louis were so blind and stupid about each other that after almost two years of dropping hints and sarcastic remarks, they still haven’t caught on.

Maybe until now

‘’Blouis?’’ Niall smirks, acting clueless.

‘’Louis man,’’ Harry tells him like he’s desperate for Niall to catch up. ‘’I’m serious, he’s got the best arse, the most edible fucking…’’

‘’Yes, I got that. Best arse!’’ Niall snaps.

‘’I mean, look at the way it jiggles, Ni.’’ Harry flaps his hand, like he’s lost for words. ‘’I really want to go to town on him and rim the fuck out of his pucker.’’

‘’I did not need to hear that,’’ Niall takes a huge gulp of his drink.

‘’And like his waistline,’’ Harry cradles his head, looking forlornly as Louis laughs when he throws his arms around Zayn who clutches said waist. ‘’Did you know that the tips of my fingers can actually touch when I hold his middle? Seriously, how is he so perfect?’’

‘’I actually wish you’ll remember this tomorrow morning,’’ Niall tries to tame his cackles as he encourages Harry to finish his drink.

‘’Remember what?’’ Harry asks, blinking slowly.

‘’You are so wasted,’’ Niall shakes his head at him. ‘’And horny, I’d say.’’

‘’No I’m not,’’ Harry denies and actually looks down at his lap, like he wants to check if he has a hard-on. To be fair, Niall looks too.

‘’Maybe not but you sure have a lot of repressed imagination,’’ Niall finishes off his drink and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. He looks at Harry and follows his line of sight. He has to turn around, put his back to the bar counter and sees Louis and Zayn swaying and dancing, happy and drunk.

‘’You’re cool with it, right?’’

Niall turns his head and looks at Harry, sees him looking back. His eyes are droopy and red-rimmed. Harry is not a loud drunk, gets usually sleepy and slower when he talks but this is the first time he looks nervous and embarrassed. Harry doesn’t do embarrassed really well.

‘’Cool with what?’’

‘’Me wanting to eat Louis’ ass?’’

‘’Fecking hell,’’ Niall cannot help but laugh before he notices Harry pouting. He pats Harry’s shoulder before he brings him into his side. ‘’Yeah, mate. I’m cool with it. No judgment.’’

‘’You won’t tell?’’

‘’Cross my heart and hope to die,’’ Niall vows, amused beyond measure.

They don’t talk about it again or at least Niall doesn’t bring it up with Harry the next morning.

But for the first time ever, Niall breaks his silence and tells Zayn, simply because of what Zayn shares with him.

‘’What?’’

The boys don’t have classes until 2 pm and since Louis and Harry are more hung over than the both of them, there’s no one in the living room except him and Zayn whereas the other two have headed back to their beds to sleep the morning off. Niall can drink anyone under the table and Zayn had opted to dance more than to drink so they spend their morning playing x-box.

‘’Louis was pretty much asking for it,’’ Zayn says when Niall asks about the man he saw cup Louis’ ass. He was one of the two dancing with Louis and Zayn explained that Louis let the man add his number before he put Louis’ phone back in Louis’ pocket and cupped a feel. Zayn didn’t like it but nothing bad happened afterwards, especially after Zayn took Louis away and they danced alone, just the two of them.

‘’Does he remember anything about it?’’ Niall asks.

‘’I don’t know but I’ll tell you what he remembers,’’ Zayn wiggles his eyebrows at him.

‘’What?’’

‘’He remembers Harry staring at him across the dance floor, when he went to the toilets remember?’’

‘’So he noticed?’’

Zayn snorts. ‘’Oh he noticed alright,’’

‘’Wait a second, is that why he was dancing more…sensually than usual?’’ It’s not an uncommon topic of discussion between him and Zayn because to be fair, it was quite interesting.

‘’Maybe but he said something really weird last night,’’ Zayn says and then smiles like just thinking about it is funny.

‘’What did he say?’’

‘’He said he wishes Harry would lick his arsehole the way he licked the straw of his mojito last night,’’ Zayn shakes his head. ‘’Was Harry drinking a mojito last night?’’

‘’Oh my god,’’ Niall has to pause the game and cackle like a hyena, actually falling unto the arm rest. ‘’You will not believe what Harry said to me last night!’’

He did buy a mojito for Harry last night, especially after the ‘’cupping’’ incident, because Harry was full-on pouting wishing it was his hand on Louis’ arse instead of the stranger and Niall bought him a mojito to console him and then decided it was time to end the night.

‘’Those two,’’ Zayn just shakes his head, not one to lose his cool like Niall. ‘’I can’t believe even their kinks align.’’

‘’I can’t believe they actually told us!’’ Niall says rather loudly.

‘’Well, to be fair they were drunk. I doubt they’d remember it.’’ Zayn snorts.

Niall has to agree with him. After all, his best mate is really smart.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

He’s in the library studying with Harry, Liam and Louis a week later. He and Louis are both engineering students but whereas Niall was gunning for sound engineering, Louis was majoring in architectural engineering. They share a few classes together and it’s nice, having someone to go to classes with. Zayn was majoring in English Literature and is going to join them for dinner later whereas Harry was majoring in journalism so they both share common classes. Liam was the only odd man out, taking a degree in business and is currently taking a nap in his seat.

‘’What are you doing?’’ Niall asks Harry who was sat next to him. Louis was off checking a book out for reference but he was in view point of the table they’re sat at. Niall follows Harry’s line of sight and it feels like déjà vu.

‘’Doodling,’’ Harry shrugs, head rested on the palm of his hand. His free hand was drawing what looked like…

‘’Are you doodling Louis’ arse on the margins of your notebook?’’ Niall hisses when he notices the shape.

‘’No, I’m doodling peaches. What the fuck, Niall?’’ Harry retorts.

‘’Peaches in skinny jeans?’’ Niall snorts. ‘’Are you fucking kidding me?’’

‘’I’m an ass man, Niall. Sue me.’’ Harry rolls his eyes and then blushes when a group of girls pass by and giggle, obviously having heard his remark.

‘’You got that right.’’ Niall agrees, tone full of mirth as he turns back to his laptop.

It’s quiet for a moment before he notices that Harry is still in the exact same posture and still doodling, eyes going back and forth between Louis and his pencil.

‘’I’m guessing you remember then, as hard as I find it to believe.’’ Niall says casually.

‘’Remember what?’’ Harry says quietly, distracted.

‘’What you said to me at the bar a week ago,’’

‘’What did I say to you at the bar a week ago?’’

‘’How you want to go to town on Louis’ arse,’’ Niall reminds him and Harry’s neck turns to him so swiftly, eyes as wide as saucers.

‘’I did not say that!’’ Harry hisses. ‘’I will remember if I said that!’’

‘’You were drunk on two shots of tequila, two beers and a blueberry vodka mojito!’’ Niall tells him.

‘’So what does that have to do with me drawing Louis’ ass?’’

‘’I thought you were drawing peaches, Harold.’’ Niall smirks like mad and Harry blushes like a tomato.

‘’Irish bastard,’’ Harry mutters and Niall has to do his best not to cackle out loud.

‘’So, c’mon, lay it on me. I’m your best friend and I don’t judge,’’ Niall says, swiveling in his chair so that he’s bodily facing Harry. ‘’You like Louis?’’

Harry looks at Liam, as if to make sure he’s still asleep before he whispers. ‘’Kind of?’’

‘’Meaning?’’ Niall whispers back. He’s so invested in his friend’s happiness that he abandons any chance of studying and getting his homework done. He’s just raised that way, raised to socialize and pay attention to people. Grades and studying, they work themselves out eventually.

‘’I think I’ve liked him for months.’’ Harry whispers. ‘’You know we worked all summer together at the café right?’’

‘’Right.’’

‘’And we just had a lot of fun, at work and even after, just hanging out…’’

‘’Are you telling me you’ve been stealth dating him?’’

‘’No,’’ Harry says fiercely but then pouts. ‘’But I think I want to?’’

‘’Okay, nothing wrong with that.’’

‘’Well, I feel like it’s only hitting me now but…’’

‘’But what?’’

‘’I think he and Zayn are into each other,’’ Harry looks at Niall carefully here, as if afraid of over-stepping.

‘’Nah, Zayn would’ve told me,’’ Niall shrugs it off easily.

‘’Did you not see the way they were dancing that night?’’ Harry points out. ‘’And every other night we’d go clubbing all of us together?’’

‘’I did see but they dance like that all the time,’’ Niall reasons. When Niall had first introduced Zayn to Louis, they caught on like a house on fire. There truly is a thing to say about how opposites attract. Take him and Zayn for example. Niall was social but Zayn was a bit people awkward. Niall’s laughter could shoot off a roof whereas Zayn likes to use his inside voice instead when it comes to expressing emotions. The same with Louis and Zayn, they work well together because they’re entirely different.

‘’It’s quite erotic the way they dance.’’

‘’That’s because they’re both hot, Harold.’’

‘’I know!’’ Harry whines. ‘’But you see my point? They’re perfect for each other.’’

‘’No, I wouldn’t think about it,’’ Niall assures him. ‘’Besides, Zayn likes me,’’

‘’What?’’ Harry’s eyes bulge.

‘’Yeah, I’m just waiting for him to say something about it,’’ Niall says, ever the carefree soul. He’s in no hurry at all really, since he’s known his friend for a long time now and knows that Zayn’s focus is on school and his studies, with no room for relationships. ‘’But I doubt he will.’’

‘’Because you don’t feel the same way?’’

‘’Not really,’’

‘’How are you just so cool about this?’’ Harry asks, a bit scandalized.

‘’I’m not into confronting my best friend about his feelings, Harold.’’ Niall rolls his eyes.

‘’You know he sleeps around right?’’ Harry retaliates.

‘’So do I,’’ Niall says, nonchalant and everything. ‘’We’re young, we’re in uni and we’re not looking for something established right now.’’

‘’Wow, you really are best friends,’’ Harry says quietly.

‘’And you and I are straying off topic,’’ Niall reminds him. ‘’What are you going to do about Louis?’’

‘’Niall, I don’t think I’m going to do anything about it,’’ Harry says forlornly.

‘’Why not?’’

‘’Promise you won’t judge?’’

‘’Dude, look at who you’re talking to,’’ Niall points at himself, slightly offended.

‘’It’s just…I’ve been having all these really dirty fantasies about him.’’ Harry admits. ‘’Sometimes I want to masturbate when we’re even talking on the phone. It’s weird.‘’

‘’It’s called sexual attraction, Harold.’’

‘’Yes but it’s weird with him not knowing, you know?’’

‘’So tell him.’’

‘’No, it’s bad enough I get flustered all the time around him.’’ Harry mutters. ‘’He’ll think I’m a creep.’’

‘’Well, I feel ya, mate; he isn’t known as Tommo the tease for nothing.’’ Niall reminds him.

‘’Man, don’t even say that to me.’’ Harry whines. ‘’And I haven’t told anyone this ever so promise you won’t tell Zayn!’’

‘’I promise,’’ Niall pats his shoulder just to appease him. Harry can be so dim sometimes because if anyone knows him, then they know that Zayn is an extension of him so of course he’s going to tell his best friend. If there is one thing common between him and Zayn is that Zayn is just as lip-locked as him; they keep their secrets between themselves and no one else.

‘’Promise what?’’

They both turn around and see Louis plopping down on his seat with four massive books.

‘’Nothing, I was just promising Harold here to look for an art teacher for him,’’ Niall lies smoothly.

‘’Art teacher?’’ Louis quirks an eyebrow at the both of them.

‘’Yeah, he wants to send his mum a painting of a fruit bowl with peaches for her birthday,’’ Niall says, trying not to laugh or react when Harry tries to stomp his foot and close his notebook at the same time. ‘’And he wants to paint it himself instead of buying one from an art gallery,’’

‘’Is that right?’’ Louis just adjusts his black-rimmed glasses before he opens the first book he got.

‘’Crazy, I know.’’ Niall says before he turns back to his laptop. He can feel Harry’s burning glare at him but he doesn’t return it.

‘’Not crazy,’’ Harry mutters but the subject is dropped and everyone goes back to studying.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

‘’What’s this about Zayn liking you?’’ Louis asks.

It’s late at night and he and Louis just finished up a project that they were partnered in together. Hence, Niall broke out the weed to wind down a bit. They’re on the floor, lying down opposite the balcony window in Niall’s room and the moon is out big and bright.

‘’Harry talked to you or summat?’’

‘’Yeah, said I should maybe amp it up and grind against Zayn when we go clubbing again to get you jealous,’’ Louis says as he takes a hit. Niall just snorts.

‘’I’d like to see you try,’’ Niall chuckles.

‘’You’re really cool with it?’’ Louis asks after a while.

‘’Why shouldn’t I be cool with it?’’ Niall retorts. ‘’Besides, before you start pointing fingers at someone, point at yourself first.’’

Louis must be fucking high because he literally looks down and points at himself.

‘’Like this?’’

Niall cackles until his eyes are actually teary.

‘’You can be so ridiculous sometimes, Tommo.’’ Niall cannot help but say. He swipes the blunt from Louis’ fingers and takes a hit. Man, Zayn’s weed guy really does bring the best stuff.

‘’That doesn’t make sense,’’ Louis says, a bit delayed.

They dissolve into a fit of laughter before Niall passes on the weed.

‘’Niall?’’ Louis starts after taking another hit of the blunt dangling from his fingers.

‘’Yes Lewis?’’

‘’Can I tell you something?’’

‘’Sure, why not?’’ Niall says as Louis passes on the blunt to him.

‘’I want to call Harry Daddy,’’ Louis exhales.

Niall chokes on the inhale and has to sit up and cough it out.

‘’You are one kinky boy,’’ Niall finally manages to say.

‘’It’s just…his hands, man and his voice.’’ Louis says; dreamy eyes on the ceiling. ‘’He can probably fuck me against a wall with just one hand under my bum, right?’’

‘’I can’t believe I’m being subjected to this filth.’’ Niall lies back down next to him and passes the blunt back.

‘’Is it really that filthy?’’ Louis asks, his voice small.

‘’No, man. It’s none of my business, that’s for sure.’’ Niall assures him. ‘’How long have you been feeling this way though?’’

‘’I don’t know, since the nightclub I think,’’ Louis answers.

‘’You like him?’’

‘’I don’t know; I just want him to fuck me first and then maybe I can answer that,’’

Niall giggles. ‘’Somehow, I don’t think Harry would mind.’’

‘’Why? Has he said anything?’’ Louis turns his face to him.

‘’Nah,’’ Niall lies. ‘’I just think you two look sexually compatible, that’s all.’’

‘’You really think so?’’

‘’I could try to hook you guys up if you want,’’ Niall suggests.

‘’Maybe after mid-terms,’’ Louis says after a while.

‘’Okay then,’’

They don’t say anything for a while, relishing the high and the serenity of the atmosphere.

‘’Niall?’’

‘’Yeah mate?’’

‘’I think you should talk to Zayn.’’

‘’About what?’’

‘’Your feelings for him,’’

‘’Who says I have any?’’

‘’I may be high but I’m not stupid,’’

‘’Stupid about Harry, that’s for sure.’’

‘’Straying off topic here, Neil.’’

‘’Fine, let’s say I have feelings. Why should I go and say anything about them?’’ Niall asks, folding his hands over his stomach. Talking about Zayn as a potential boyfriend is something he doesn’t really like to talk about, mostly because they’ve been friends for so long and really good friends at that and the idea of him ruining it makes him feel ugly inside. And Niall Horan doesn’t do ugly feelings; that’s for sure.

‘’I don’t know…I think you’d be great together.’’

‘’We are great together,’’

‘’You know what I mean,’’ Louis pouts when he looks at him. ‘’He’s hot, man.’’

‘’I think I can handle Zayn on my own.’’ Niall chuckles. ‘’You focus on your own boy,’’

‘’Okay,’’

And that was that.

Niall just hopes Louis won’t open his big mouth and tell Zayn anything.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

They don’t talk about it again, him and Louis, not with exams coming up but Zayn starts looking at him funny. He brushes it off, not really one for serious talk and he knows that Zayn will talk to him if he really wants to so he doesn’t give it much thought, not when there are more important things to focus on.

‘’Hey, I want you to be Ed’s wingman tomorrow,’’ Niall tells Harry a week before their mid-terms start.

‘’Double date?’’ Harry guesses. They’re both in the kitchen, preparing lunch for everyone.

‘’Yeah,’’ Niall lies smoothly. ‘’He’s still shy about being steady with his girlfriend and thought maybe you’d like to see her friend, make the mood less tense for them and who knows? You might like her.’’

He’d talked Liam into asking Louis to be his wingman so that they could meet up in the same place and then set Harry and Louis up together. Liam and Ed will then ditch them, claiming silly excuses. Hopefully Harry doesn’t fuck it up. Or Louis.

‘’Okay,’’ Harry nods, clueless. He’s gone on double dates many times with Ed and Harry doesn’t really mind being a gentleman even if he will just turn down the girl.

‘’Fucking hell!’’

Niall and Harry turn their heads as the door to their shared apartment bangs against the wall. Zayn steam rolls like a train, anger etched into his face with Louis trying to catch up with him. Alas, they hear the tell-tale sign of the door being shut in Louis’ face, if his loud sigh is any indication.

They wait until Louis climbs down the stairs and joins them in the kitchen.

‘’What was that about?’’ Niall asks, letting Harry take over stove duties as he turns around, back against the counter.

‘’Nick fucking Grimshaw, that’s the problem.’’ Louis sighs.

If there is one person they don’t like, it’s the assistant professor in one of Zayn’s classes. He’s in his last year and has had the hots for Zayn for as long as they’ve known the man. Zayn made the mistake of sleeping with him once. Since then, Nick hasn’t stopped flirting with him and getting people to back off Zayn, acting like an entitled prick.

‘’What happened?’’ Harry asks warily.

‘’Got ugly, that’s what happened. Had to step in between the two of them before they took more swipes at each other,’’ Louis explains.

‘’Did Zayn miss?’’ Niall gets two cans of beers out of the fridge and pops one open for Louis and one for himself.

‘’Nope but neither did Nick,’’ Louis says. ‘’Gave your boy one nasty shiner.’’

Niall ignores the ‘’your boy’’ comment and leaves the kitchen. His beer is untouched but he brings it with him. He knows that Zayn definitely needs some winding down.

He knocks on the door instead of just barging in. Of all of them, Zayn is the one who always locks his door, so protective of his privacy.

‘’Open up, will you?’’ Niall calls.

‘’Go away,’’

‘’You know I won’t.’’

He keeps knocking incessantly, almost close to a minute before Zayn opens the door, face dark with annoyance, left eye a bit swollen.

‘’Hug?’’ Niall opens his arms.

For a minute there, Zayn just stares at him. Even frowning, he’s still beautiful but Niall doesn’t think too deep about that. It’s just weird.

Eventually Zayn takes a step closer and Niall does the rest. Zayn may be taller and leaner but Niall is broader and bigger. He wraps his arms around Zayn even if the other boy’s arms are listless at his side.

‘’I got you a beer,’’ Niall offers.

‘’Did you drink from it?’’

‘’Will you mind if I did?’’

‘’Fucker,’’ Zayn mutters before he leans back and grabs the beer from Niall’s hand.

‘’Should I have words with Grimshaw?’’ Niall asks. Zayn snorts before he takes a seat on his bed. His room is cluttered but it gives off the chaotic-cool vibe, the type of room that says he knows every nook and cranny of every corner and though it may look messy to the outside eyes, it’s not messy to Zayn.

The wall beside his bed is plastered with collage art, mixed together creating millions of faces. On the other side of Zayn’s bed is a book shelf above his study table, filled with ratty paperbacks and novels.

He’d been indecisive when it came to his major, not sure whether to pursue an English degree or art or music like Niall. In the end, he went with the easiest because Zayn doesn’t do tough decisions. They are alike in that perspective. It’s also the reason why Zayn followed Niall to London and is attending uni with him because he got accepted into many other places across England but choosing which one was better was too complicated so he just followed where Niall went. Niall didn’t say anything about it; he’d known Zayn since year 9 and he knows that Zayn is better off sticking with people he knows and that if he went off to Cambridge or Oxford, he’ll just get more introverted.

‘’What type of words? The Irish Cursing type?’’ Zayn asks back.

‘’You do know how violent our cursing can be,’’ Niall nods as he closes the door.

‘’Nah, it’s alright.’’ Zayn shrugs. Niall knows that he knows about that one time that Niall egged Nick’s car the night after Nick told Zayn’s boyfriend almost a year ago that Zayn has STD’s just for kicks. He’s pretty sure he also knows about that one time when Niall stole Nick’s laptop and swapped all his academic folders with French gay porn videos because Nick posted some pics of a drunk Zayn on his Instagram and wrote under the pic #slag. It was seen by a lot of people and Niall took it very seriously.

To be fair, it was Harry’s idea, the whole French gay porn, because he’d just watched ‘’Me Before You’’ and felt inspired enough to encourage Niall to go for it rather than delete Nick’s files and leave it at that. Niall does not regret letting Harry change his mind, not when the idea was so brilliant and not when Nick had to take some summer classes because he couldn’t make up for his lost essays on time.

‘’What did he do this time?’’ Niall asks and takes a seat on Zayn’s rolling chair, using his feet on the floor to push left and right.

‘’Spreading his lies again. Nothing new.’’ Zayn shrugs.

‘’Hmm,’’ Niall is already plotting his next revenge move. He’s going to need Louis for it because if anyone wants to prank someone, their go-to guy is definitely the Tommo. Maybe this time he’ll steal all of Nick’s Hawaiian shirts and replace them with…something. Hmm, maybe he’ll need Harry too. Or maybe he can empty out all of Nick’s hair spray bottles with vodka. Or food colouring but where will he get…

‘’…Told Liam to back off and not to bother. He actually had the audacity to…’’

‘’What?’’ Niall interrupts him and stops moving altogether.

‘’I said Liam liked me but he’s not been hanging around me as much these days because of what Nick’s been telling him.’’

This also isn’t news. Ever since Niall had introduced Liam to Zayn –He’s probably introduced all his friends to Zayn, now that he thinks about it- Liam had been all puppy eyes about him. To be fair, almost half the people he’s introduced to Zayn had either liked him too much or couldn’t get along with him, citing he’s too deep for normal conversations, or too broody and quiet for their liking. 

‘’Well Liam’s stupid for actually falling for it,’’

‘’Don’t call him stupid.’’

Niall looks at Zayn here and sees an inscrutable, almost nervous look on his face.

‘’You like him back.’’ Niall concludes.

‘’Of course I like Liam, who wouldn’t?’’ Zayn says, almost a stubborn hint in his tone.

‘’Since when have you been interested in Liam?’’

‘’He’s been interested first.’’ Zayn counters. ‘’I’ve only just noticed recently.’’

‘’Is that right?’’

‘’Why, something wrong with Liam now?’’

‘’He’s not the one for you, okay?’’ Niall says and even though he doesn’t mean it, he doesn’t know what’s come over him to actually continue with that line of thought. ‘’Sophia is crazy about him and you know this.’’

‘’No, I don’t.’’

‘’And if he’s not hanging out with you because of Nick then he’s an idiot.’’ Niall continues. ‘’He should’ve talked to us or you first before making decisions based on one-sided conversations.’’

‘’You’re being a dick. Liam is your friend.’’ Zayn says fiercely.

‘’And you’re being shallow. Since when do you go for beef guys like Liam?’’ Niall turns the chair around so that his body is facing Zayn. He’s not even aware that they’re arguing, something they almost never ever do. For one, Niall doesn’t hold unto things like grudges and Zayn is too aloof to let anything shake his feathers.

‘’And since when do you care about the people I want to go for?’’ Zayn argues back.

‘’Since when do you avoid topics like this with me?’’

‘’Since when did you start being obtuse?’’

‘’Are you fucking drunk right now?’’

‘’Are you fucking kidding me?’’

They don’t know that they’re yelling until the door opens and Louis and Harry barge in.

‘’If this is some kind of lover’s spat, then it doesn’t sound like it.’’ Louis says, a hint of nervous laughter in his tone.

‘’This is all your fault!’’ Zayn shouts at Louis before he grabs his bag and rushes to the door. No wonder Harry and Louis have surprised looks on their faces; it’s not every day that Zayn loses his cool or that Niall loses his shit on Zayn.

‘’I’m going to trash Nick’s fucking dorm room by the way!’’ Niall shouts.

‘’Fuck you, Niall!’’ Zayn shouts back, storming down the stairs.

‘’You’re welcome!’’

‘’You’re a fucking blind cunt!’’

They then hear the door slam.

Niall huffs and grabs the beer can that Zayn left. He takes a deep pull before he looks at Harry and Louis.

‘’Has any of you ever seen a blind cunt before?’’ Niall asks before he snorts. ‘’I thought he’d be more colorful than that considering I’m his Irish best friend.’’

‘’Um,’’ Harry starts. ‘’He sounded really upset, Ni.’’

‘’Is this about the whole Liam thing?’’ Louis asks.

‘’What do you know about that?’’ Niall asks, irritated.

‘’His name came up while Zayn was fighting with Nick.’’ Louis answers.

‘’Liam is no good for him.’’ Niall shakes his head. ‘’I love the dude. I really do but he’s going to break Sophia’s heart if he continues with this shallow infatuation he has on Zayn.’’

‘’Liam likes Zayn?’’ Louis asks at the same time that Harry talks.

‘’Sophia?’’ Harry gasps. ‘’Wow, you really do know everything.’’

‘’Apparently not,’’ Niall says darkly, taking another pull of the beer until he empties the can. ‘’Didn’t know that Liam was keeping his distance from Zayn because of Nick.’’

No wonder he didn’t sit with them the night of the night club and no wonder he was only there with them in the library because Zayn wasn’t. It’s clear also why he didn’t stay for dinner when Zayn did arrive.

‘’Are you jealous?’’ Harry asks.

‘’Of course I’m not.’’ Niall answers all too quickly.

‘’Is that you talking or your feelings talking?’’ Louis asks and Niall has fucking had it with these two.

‘’Can you both stop it with that?’’ Niall snaps. ‘’Don’t talk to me about feelings until you two sort out your daddy kink shit!’’

Harry and Louis’ eyes widen at him before they turn their faces towards each other, beetroot red.

‘’Oh for crying out loud!’’ Niall throws his hands up in exasperation. ‘’Louis, Harry wants to rim your pucker and go to town on your arse. Not to mention that he’s probably been stealth dating you all summer. Harry, Louis wants to call you daddy and won’t mind at all if you fuck him against a wall, preferably with one hand under his bum. Now, get the fuck out of my room and sort your own shit out!’’

‘’First of all,’’ Louis starts, face red and pissed. ‘’This isn’t your room, Horan and second of all, if you were going to throw that in our faces then why the fuck were you hooking Harry up on a double date with Ed?’’

‘’Because Liam and I were going to set you two up together like some blind date!’’ Niall retaliates. ‘’You’re welcome.’’

‘’Well…’’ Louis pauses, too angry or flustered to string two words together. ‘’You’ve ruined the surprise, asshole!’’

He then grabs Harry’s hand and storms out of the room but not before shutting the door with a bang.

‘’What’s with the dramatic exits today?’’ Niall asks the room at large before he sits back on Zayn’s chair and fumes.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

He falls asleep in Zayn’s bed and only wakes up when he hears the door open.

‘’Get out,’’

He opens his eyes and sees Zayn standing by his closet, changing his clothes.

‘’What time is it?’’ Niall yawns, stretching his limbs.

‘’Don’t care. I said get out.’’ Zayn’s voice is muffled as he changes into a soft sweater.

Niall just closes his eyes and puts his hands behind his head. The view outside Zayn’s window tells him that it’s night already. He must’ve been asleep for hours.

That’s when he hears the moan.

He listens for a few more seconds and then his eyes bulge.

‘’Are H and L fucking?’’ Niall sits up and tries to listen more.

Zayn also stops on his tracks where he’s emptying his school bag by his table. His eyebrows are also drawn together, concentrated.

‘’Daddy…’’

‘’Oh for fuck’s sake,’’ Zayn mutters before he drops on the bed and holds his head.

Niall cackles.

‘’You are so fucking welcome!’’ Niall yells.

It’s less than a minute before they hear a groan.

‘’Fuck you Niall!’’ he hears. He’s not sure if it’s Harry or Louis but he still laughs with glee.

‘’I honestly can’t believe you.’’ Zayn mutters. Niall sobers up and sits back against the headboard.

‘’What?’’

‘’You fix everyone’s problems.’’ Zayn starts. ‘’You hook people up like some wedding match-maker and despite all odds, their relationships work. You’re so observant and people believe you when they ask your opinion because you may not act like you know everything but you do because you always notice and you read people like it’s the simplest thing to do.’’

‘’What’s gotten into you?’’ Niall asks, folding one leg under the other and placing his other leg on the floor so that he can sit right beside Zayn.

‘’You notice everything.’’ Zayn spits out like he’s really upset and Niall’s never seen him like this. ‘’But you did not say anything back in school when I chose to follow you to London. You didn’t question why I don’t do relationships and you certainly never question why you turn ugly whenever I hook up with someone that I may be remotely interested in than just a one night stand.’’

‘’First of all, you do whoever you want; I don’t care.’’ Niall reminds him, even though there’s something getting twisted in his chest saying that maybe he’s not being very truthful with himself. ‘’Second of all, I’m not a mind-reader, okay? I don’t like to influence people’s decisions and you’re smart enough to make your own. And third of all, no need to go asking about things I already know the answer to.’’

‘’Fine, then tell me this.’’ Zayn turns his face to him, etched in something akin to sorrow. ‘’Why did I move to London with you?’’

‘’Because you wanted to follow me around, didn’t like the idea of new faces.’’ Niall replies. ‘’You don’t do complex despite what people may think.’’

‘’Does that still not say anything to you?’’ Zayn says, beyond frustrated.

‘’If you want to say you like me, go ahead. I won’t break.’’

‘’How the fuck can I say that when you’re like this?’’ Zayn nearly yells.

‘’Like what?’’ Now he’s frustrated.

‘’Not reciprocating!’’ Zayn yells.

At the same, a moan so loud akin to that of a climax permeates the air and it breaks the eye contact they’ve been holding.

‘’God Niall,’’ Zayn stands up, pacing like he’s caged. ‘’It’s so simple and I thought you were smart.’’

‘’Zayn, you’re blowing this out of proportion.’’ Niall wants to calm him down, feels like they’re teetering on the edge and if Zayn keeps talking, they’re going to fall off into the deep end. ‘’We’re best friends and I won’t judge your feelings for me. Hell, I have them too.’’

‘’You fucking cunt,’’ Zayn sighs, eyes hidden in the palm of his hand.

‘’Stop cursing like an Irish Bastard!’’ Niall snaps and stands up. ‘’And sew me if I didn’t want to ruin years of friendship, okay? I’m talking years here, years of the best thing in my entire life!’’

‘’I moved to be with you, because I like you.’’ Zayn turns around and his eyes are wet. ‘’I’ve liked you since the first time you complemented my drawing of a penis lamp in art class back in Mullingar when we’d first met and didn’t think I was Hispanic or some kind of Mediterranean goddess or some lost artifact that people didn’t think belongs in some desolate place in fucking Ireland.’’

‘’Mullingar, Ireland is not some desolate place, Malik!’’ Niall says, even though he really wants to laugh about the reminder of the penis lamp, because that’s what you do when you think of good times, no?

It attracted his attention back then because he had a crush on Kate Bekinsale and was binge-watching interview videos of her and she mentioned something about an Instagram post about her cat that involved a penis lamp. Zyan drawing one in art class the first time they met was like a big neon sign saying, ‘’Hey, best friend material here!’’

He can’t laugh now though, not when he’s so angry, not when Zayn is angry.

‘’Straying off topic, Horan!’’ Zayn snaps. ‘’Take me seriously for once!’’

‘’I am being serious!’’

‘’No, you’re not.’’ Zayn shakes his head at him. ’’Because you don’t do serious and you certainly don’t do ugly feelings, yeah?’’

‘’Fine,’’ Niall stutters. ‘’I’ll make an exception.’’

‘’If you did that from the start, you’d realize that you like me more than you think. You’d realize that between you, Liam, Harry and Louis, no one has ever focused on exacting revenge on Nick quite as vicious as you and no one has ever set me up on blind dates because they knew what you’d say, that’s why I stuck with random hook-ups and don’t even get me started on your drunken one week escapades after I slept with Nick.’’

‘’No need to fucking remind me, asshole!’’ Niall is definitely getting ugly inside. He’s bottled up so many things because it was important to him that people didn’t think that he was a negative person, that being known as ‘’happy-go-lucky Niall’’ was what they see and what they get instead of seeing that he had actually been so jealous about his best friend hooking up with Mr. ‘’I’m so Intellectual and sophisticated and can quote Shakespeare in my sleep’’ Nick Grimshaw that he partied it up and went bar hopping for one week straight, almost failing his finals back then when it happened, all because of the thought of Nick getting to be intimate with his best friend. He felt so low and dirty about himself because he had no right, absolutely no right to feel possessive about Zayn.

‘’Oh let me not get started on how much I was fucking jealous when you went steady with Shawn for nine months!’’ Zayn cries.

‘’What?’’

‘’Oh? Forgot about him already? Tall glass of handsome and Mr. ‘’I’m going to bone him’’ as soon we arrived here fresh from Ireland?’’ Zayn says bitterly.

‘’You were jealous?’’ Niall asks quietly.

“God Niall,’’ Zayn says, exasperated. ‘’You have no idea how much it hurt me when he cheated on you, how much you still were so fucking blind and how you turned on a new leaf with your casual hook-ups like I wasn’t right fucking there from the start, like I couldn’t be anything better to you! I could be everything to you and you know this and you don’t care!’’

Niall fish mouths when he sees the way Zayn’s chest is heaving, like he’d just expunged a demon from the depth of his soul.

‘’But I guess I’m the one asking for too much, yeah? Friendship is everything to you.’’ Zayn says, bitter. ‘’Not a big deal, especially because you know all this, right? We talk about everything, don’t we? We’re the best team, best duo, only pair to ever rival Louis and Harry, isn’t that right?’’

‘’We won’t work out.’’ Niall shakes his head, frightened to his core. ‘’I’m telling you, if we try and date, if we break up…I’m gonna break, Zee. You’re gonna shatter me and screw you if I want to maintain some self-preservation!’’

‘’If I’m that important to you, am I not worth a try?’’ Zayn’s hands flap beside him, like he’s helpless. ‘’Our friendship is that weak that if we don’t make it as a couple, we can’t ever be friends again? Is that what you really think?’’

When he puts it that way…Niall suddenly feels like a fool.

He struggles for words while the sound of a door opening and closing is heard outside their little bubble.

‘’We never talked about this,’’ Niall admits. ‘’But to be fair, I’ve been waiting for you to tell me first. Even now, you’re still hard to read sometimes.’’

‘’Bullshit!’’ Zayn grits. ‘’You’re the one who knows me the most. Hell, you told Harry that you knew I liked you!’’

‘’Then why didn’t you say anything?’’

‘’Why didn’t you?’’

‘’I asked you first!’’ Niall snaps and he knows he’s being childish but he doesn’t like being backed into a corner or be forced to confront the issue.

‘’Because you’re sleeping around, Niall and then there was Shawn before that!’’

‘’You’re sleeping around too!’’

‘’Only because I fucking gave up on you!’’ Zayn shouts. ‘’And this whole thing is your fault because you talked to Harry like it was no big deal.’’

‘’You told Louis first before I ever told Harry, dickhead!’’

Zayn’s eyes widen.

‘’You heard us?’’ he gasps.

‘’Yeah and I was with Shawn.’’ Niall rips. ‘’How fucking dare you think of me like that when I was with someone that meant the world to me?’’

‘’I didn’t think you’d ever know!’’

‘’Still doesn’t change the fact that you had no right!’’

‘’Fine so why now?’’ Zayn thunders. ‘’Why tell Harry and throw it in my face?’’

‘’Because I didn’t think he’d tell on me!’’

‘’Spare me, that boy can’t lie to save his face!’’

‘’I heard that!’’

They both turn their heads around and glare at the closed door.

‘’Go for another round, why don’t you?’’ Niall calls angrily. ‘’Instead of eavesdropping on something that is none of your business?’’

After a minute of silence, they hear shooing and then the sound of footsteps scurrying.

‘’Why couldn’t you keep your mouth shut?’’ they hear Louis mutter because silence descends upon them again.

‘’Please get out of my room.’’ Zayn says before he opens the door.

‘’Zee…’’

‘’I’m not going to force anything on you.’’ Zayn sighs. ‘’But you’re a fool if you think that I moved all the way to London for any other reason than to be with you. I can do people, I’m not allergic to them.’’ Zayn grits. ‘’So don’t use that as an excuse.’’

Niall doesn’t like arguing. Sure, he talks big and curses like a pirate but when it comes down to the heavy, he gets all tongue-tied. It’s why he and Zayn rarely fight because for one, Zayn may have the patience of a saint but he has no tolerance for bullshit and second, Niall hates making him upset almost as much as he hates it when Zayn gets him all flustered and speechless.

‘’Fine.’’ Niall eventually says. ‘’I’ll leave you be. For now.’’

‘’I’m not going to talk about this again.’’ Zayn says when Niall almost passes the threshold.

‘’You said we talk about everything, right?’’ Niall reminds him. ‘’And I told you that we never discussed it so now, we will. I’m going to prove to you that our friendship can withstand everything. Even this.’’

‘’And what’s this?’’ Zayn grits.

‘’I don’t know.’’ Niall says honestly, standing outside Zayn’s room. ‘’But I’m going to reflect on it and when I’m done, we’re going to hash this shit out.’’

He leaves Zayn standing there and goes to his room.

Now, how the fuck is he going to reflect on what just happened?


	2. when you're with me, no judgement

Mid-terms bite them in the arse and before they know it, they have no time for anything but exams. However, Niall notices three things.

The first thing he notices is that Harry and Louis are obviously acing the whole ‘friends with benefits’ and ‘exploring our kinks’ with flying colors.

The second thing is that Liam has started to join them again for study groups.

The last thing is Liam and Zayn getting really cozy with each other.

He’s never been jealous about Zayn and his hook-ups because that’s all they ever were; just one night stands to relieve his stress, a means of getting his artistic juices flowing. Since they’ve arrived in London, Zayn’s had two summer boyfriends and to be fair, maybe he was a bit of a dick about not being upset enough when Zayn would break up with them before school started, mostly because he was vocal about them not fitting into their group of friends or always pointing out their flaws. It hits him now that he’s so fluid with people, except with anyone that Zayn dates. It just didn’t occur to him because Zayn didn’t seem to disagree with him, not to mention that he was the one who did the break up, not the other way around.

Moreover, most of Zayn’s uni hook-ups either remain friends or don’t bother sticking around. Nick is the only exception but that’s maybe because he’s a massive twat who doesn’t know the meaning of the phrase, ‘’get lost’’.

But whatever is going on between Liam and Zayn, it reminds him of what he had with Shawn. They’re always wandering between shelves or taking smoke breaks together. Liam had even gone with Zayn to get a tattoo. It’s ridiculous.

However, he doesn’t say anything about it as things with Zayn have never been more fragile. Sure, they talk like nothing’s amiss and go back to their shared apartment and have dinner together with Harry and Louis like the outburst a week ago has never happened. Niall thinks when mid-terms are over, they’re going to get back to their groove and it will be back to the way it was, just not now since exams are hanging over their heads like a guillotine and maybe Zayn needs Liam for some stress relief and nothing more.

He couldn’t have been more wrong.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Right now, they’re celebrating the end of mid-terms and they have at least one month before their end of term exams after Christmas and New-year holidays.

They’re in a night club and Liam and Zayn are dancing in the middle of the dance floor. Harry and Louis are pretty much grinding against each other and for the first time ever, he’s actually sat at a table alone.

He doesn’t mind usually, because there are plenty of familiar faces and when he greets them, they take the initiative to sit down, order drinks and hold a conversation. He feels included in their circle but to be fair, his focus is shot.

He feels paranoid because no matter how hard he tries not to look, Zayn is always in his view, face angled so that the lights reflect off his cheekbones and give his raven hair a nice glow and just…he’s left his leather jacket with Niall and he’s off dancing in a black tank top and ripped skinny jeans and timberland boots and…he knows Zayn’s hot, with all those tattoos on his arms out in display but when did he get hotter? That’s the million-dollar question.

It’s also annoying because if Liam is a hook-up, it might end badly. They’ve been friends for so long, all five of them and Liam is sweet and nice and not the type to get down and dirty for one night but the type that you can marry. He has ‘husband material’ written all over him. Plus, he’s hot. Niall can attest to that, what with the bulging biceps and the buzz cut. And Liam and Zayn frighteningly look good together but that’s it. It’s shallow. Niall has seen the way Liam and Sophia interact and it makes him want to tell Zayn off for reciprocating Liam’s crush.

It has nothing to do with being jealous. Of course, it doesn’t.

‘’Hey,’’

Niall looks up and sees a hulking tower.

Shawn…

‘’Hi,’’

‘’Mind if I take a seat?’’ he asks but then he plops down on the empty seat adjacent to him after picking up the jacket on it and handing it over to Niall.

Now, Niall has a reputation to maintain and throwing a fit over Shawn casually touching Zayn’s jacket and sitting on his chair like it’s no big deal, greeting his friends like he hadn’t broken his heart by being a cheater is not going to bode well.

But he sure as hell would like to throw a fit right this minute.

It also so happens that while Shawn is smiling his charming smile and ordering a round of drinks, Niall catches the moment that Zayn looks over their table and sees Shawn. Niall doesn’t know what to make of it and he wonders if he can see Niall clutching his jacket in his lap. If he does, he doesn’t want to see what Zayn’s reaction is so he just picks up his beer.

‘’How were your exams?’’ Shawn asks cordially.

‘’How’s Camilla?’’ Niall asks back.

He takes a nice, long pull of his drink before he looks back at Shawn, who’ shaking his head.

‘’Ouch,’’ he says. ‘’Still bruised over that?’’

‘’No, not really.’’ Niall lies. ‘’Was just asking.’’

‘’She’s around here somewhere,’’ Shawn says, looking around like he’s trying to spot his hot girlfriend. Niall has to admit; Shawn’s got good taste and Camilla really is sweet but he’s going to get all ugly inside if she pops up and joins them like the whole cheating thing is no big deal.

‘’Maybe you should go back to your own table then.’’ Niall suggests. He’s been feeling a lot of ugly lately and it’s not like him and he doesn’t want it to fester on what’s supposed to be a party night. ‘’I’m sure she’s looking for you.’’

‘’After a while,’’ Shawn takes a sip from his drink. ‘’Wanted to catch up with you.’’

‘’I don’t think we really have anything to talk about.’’ Niall takes another pull from his drink and for once, wishes he didn’t have such a good stamina when it comes to drinking. His Irish genes can be both a charm and a curse sometimes.

‘’Is that why you’ve been dodging my calls?’’ Shawn asks. ‘’Why you won’t even reply to my texts or even fucking look at me?’’

He looks now because it doesn’t take a lot to rile Shawn up. At one point in their relationship, it was one of the qualities that he liked about Shawn. Now, he's just irritated by it.

‘’Do you actually want to know why or am I the one who screwed things up between the two of us and therefore, have no right to be angry?’’ Niall asks back. He doesn’t mind an audience, he really doesn’t. Everyone knows about their epic romance and how it all turned to flames. Sure, they don’t know the details (and boy, he knows how people can be so curious) but Niall is glad when the table suddenly empties and it’s just him and Shawn.

No one knows why they broke up except his Zayn, not to mention that he doesn’t like pity. Moreover, Camilla is really nice and every time she sees him, she looks really apologetic and guilty.

Shawn though, he’s been avoiding him like the plague.

‘’You have every right but it’s been a year, Niall.’’ Shawn turns in his seat, long giraffe legs probably feeling squished under the table. It’s unreal how he thought Shawn’s meaty thighs encased in tight jeans were dreamy at one point in his life.

‘’So?’’

‘’What? We can’t ever be friends anymore? Because you won’t give me a chance to say sorry? Ever?’’ Shawn asks.

‘’Oh is that why you were calling?’’

‘’Yeah, Ni.’’

‘’Don’t you fucking call me that.’’ Niall snaps and for some reason, when he goes to grab his beer, he sees Zayn looking at him, frowning. Liam’s face is tucked into his neck and Zayn’s arms are wrapped around Liam’s shoulders. It makes him feel even more pissed off, as irrational as that is because he doesn’t know why. Or maybe it’s because if he didn’t know any better, he’d think that Liam and Zayn were a serious item with the way they’re almost slow dancing in the middle of a gritty dance floor with heavy bass music pumping around and Harry and Louis are trying to eat each other next to them.

They look really good together, the way that he and Shawn were and maybe if and Shawn were still together, he wouldn’t have ever noticed the way he felt about Zayn wasn’t normal, even back then.

He just had to go ahead and ruin everything.

‘’Okay, I’m sorry.’’ Shawn says, honestly apologetic. ‘’And I’m sorry for going behind your back. I just didn’t know how to tell you.’’

‘’Me? Of all people, you couldn’t talk to me?’’ Niall asks, indignant and angry.

‘’Niall, you’re just too popular and too nice but at the same time, you have a temper, man.’’ Shawn explains. ‘’I’m sorry; I just knew if you made a big deal out of it, your friends would isolate me and take your side.’’

‘’Why wouldn’t they take my side?’’ Niall almost laughs. ‘’You’re the bad guy here, not me!’’

‘’Bad guy? I was unfaithful, not a murderer.’’ Shawn retaliates. ‘’And I deserve a second chance, Niall. I’m sorry but you wouldn’t let me fix things. You just ran along to Zayn and forgot I ever existed.’’

Mentioning Zayn is a low blow but he does recall how Zayn was there for him, how he didn’t mind seeing Niall go through his drawers and finish his stash of weed, how he cleaned up after him when Niall would get wasted alone in his room, how he made sure to get him back on track and ready for his exams instead of hung-over and pining over the guy who broke his heart.

‘’Don’t bring Zayn into this.’’ Niall warns. ‘’Between the two of you, he’s at least still loyal to me.’’

‘’I’m sorry.’’ Shawn repeats. ‘’I will forever be sorry. What more do you want me to say?’’

Niall doesn’t feel like partying anymore. He finishes his drink, before he stands up.

‘’Where are you going?’’ Shawn asks.

‘’It’s too loud in here.’’ Niall replies before he goes for the door.

He knows that Shawn is following and maybe that’s a good thing because now that he’s here and they’re opening this can of worms, he feels like making the wounds fester. It’s definitely better than watching Zayn and Liam dancing when the music turns sultry and dirty. He’d rather talk this shit out with Shawn or even watch Harry and Louis swallow each other’s tongues on the dance floor than see Zayn looking at him like he’s concerned yet doing nothing to stop this upcoming show down with Shawn.

‘’Why did you do it?’’ Niall asks when they’re finally outside. The alley near the night club is empty and the air is biting but he welcomes it because it calms him down a bit and when he turns back to look at Shawn, he doesn’t feel like swiping at him. ‘’Why didn’t you just break up with me like a decent person and go after her when we were done?’’

‘’Because it just happened,’’ Shawn answers. ‘’Because I wanted so badly for things to work out between us and they weren’t and she was there at the same time and…’’

‘’Why were things not working out?’’ Niall interrupts. ‘’I was good to you. I loved you.’’

‘’I know.’’ Shawn says sadly. ‘’I loved you too.’’

‘’Don’t say that to me!’’ Niall says sternly. ‘’Not after what you did.’’

‘’It’s true though, no matter how hard it is for you to believe.’’ Shawn argues.

‘’Then what gives?’’ Niall asks, almost wildly. ‘’You loved me but had no problems cheating on me.’’

‘’You were never serious, Niall. You were always so aloof about what we’d do after graduation and you never expressed any intent on meeting my parents or even visiting my hometown and I just…I wanted more and I wanted…’’

‘’What?’’ Niall has to give it to Shawn because he’s not wrong about all the points he’s mentioned; it’s just that he felt like Shawn was moving too fast and Niall was in no rush. They haven’t even been together a year and Shawn was already talking about buying a house!

‘’You’ve never looked at me the way you look at Zayn.’’ Shawn sighs. ‘’And it was something I really wanted before I realized that I could never have it.’’

Niall’s eyes widen. It can’t have been that long since he’s realized his feelings for Zayn. All he knows is that he knew that Zayn liked him first but it was a while before he started liking him back. It can’t have been while he was dating Shawn.

‘’That’s a lie.’’ Niall snaps.

‘’Ask everyone.’’ Shawn argues. ‘’You’re just too cool for people to say it to your face but ask Harry, ask Louis. Hell, ask Liam too. They all know how much you like him.’’

‘’But it wasn’t like that while we were dating so don’t throw that to my face!’’ Niall nearly yells. ‘’There isn’t one single cheating bone in my body, Shawn, not even emotionally. I never once looked at anyone but you and Zayn would bite my head off if I ever did to you what you did to me!’’

‘’I’m not trying to justify my actions.’’ Shawn reasons calmly. ‘’I’m just telling you how I felt back then and why it happened. I’m wrong for the way I acted and I never meant to hurt you.’’ Shawn’s voice starts shaking. ‘’I never meant to be a cheater and to do that to you, of all people. You have no idea how much it hurt me too, Niall. I’m sorry.’’

Niall turns his face away because he doesn’t want to see Shawn break apart. Even now, it still stings seeing his face look all pained like that.

‘’But you made it hard to love you sometimes, you know?’’ Shawn continues. ‘’I felt like you didn’t take me seriously half the time and in the end there, I felt pushy and idiotic, like we weren’t on the same page and you never made a big deal out of it. It’s hard to believe, Niall but you have this uncanny ability of making people feel so small sometimes.’’

‘’What?’’

‘’You don’t do intentionally. I’m not trying to hurt you.’’ Shawn says quickly. ‘’I’m just telling you that it became hard to talk to you in the end because you were always changing the subject when I brought up things that meant a big deal to me, that I thought we saw eye to eye about.’’

‘’Is this about you wanting to adopt a dog together back then?’’

‘’It’s one of them.’’ Shawn smiles sadly. ‘’See? You’re doing it again.’’

‘’Doing what?’’

‘’Making it sound like it’s not a big deal, having a pet together.’’ Shawn explains. ‘’The same with the whole meeting my parents for Christmas or even going to dinner with my parents and yours; I wanted that but you were just never available until it hit me that maybe you did not want to give me the time of day.’’

Niall cannot tell him how freaked out he was about Shawn wanting him to meet his parents. Call him a walking Danny Zuko but he doesn’t do parents well. He curses so easily and his edges are gritty and rough and Shawn’s parents own a country house and have a personal chef and just…he knew he’d embarrass himself and Shawn. It was just easier to avoid the topic, that’s all. He did it for their sakes.

Now, he’s not sure if Shawn isn’t a little bit justified in his actions.

‘’Okay,’’ Niall nods with finality. ‘’I heard you out. Enough said.’’

‘’Do you forgive me?’’ Shawn asks. ‘’Please?’’

Niall looks back at him and well…he’s got a reputation to uphold. He doesn’t hold grudges and he shouldn’t have to. He should be able to let it go, especially now, when he feels partially at fault for the way things went down between them.

‘’Give me time?’’ Niall asks quietly. ‘’It’s a lot to take in.’’

‘’Because of the Zayn bit?’’

‘’Everything.’’ Niall sighs. ‘’Just…I’ll sleep on it, okay?’’

‘’Meaning you’ll go back to ignoring me again.’’ Shawn guesses. ‘’Is that it?’’

He deserved that one, he knows. He’s known for avoiding his problems but he hates it when people point it out. But he’s tired tonight and has lost all steam.

‘’Look, I’m tired.’’ Niall exhales. ‘’But I’ll call you, okay? Is that enough for now?’’

‘’Okay.’’ Shawn nods but he looks unconvinced. ‘’For what it’s worth, you and Zayn would be great together, better than we ever were. I’m really rooting for you guys.’’

Niall doesn’t say anything and when he doesn’t, Shawn takes that as his cue to leave.

‘’Bye then,’’ He waves before he enters the club.

What a messed up night, Niall cannot but think.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

He stays outside long enough to realize that it’s freezing and that he’s holding Zayn’s jacket.

For some reason, he puts it on. It’s not exactly a tight fit -Zayn’s shoulders are not as broad as his but its snug in a way that is comforting against the cold.

He pulls the collar up and burrows his hands in the pockets before he leans against the wall outside the alley.

For the first time ever, he wonders what people really think of him. Is the reason why it’s so easy for people to confide in him is because of their assurance that he won’t make a big deal out of it? Because of how easy he accepts things?

If that’s what people like about him, then why didn’t Shawn…? Was he afraid that Niall will confront him, afraid that Niall will break up with him? Was he afraid of being the exception? Or was it because he didn’t want to be treated like everyone else?

Maybe if he’d talked with him when Shawn brought up all the commitment talk, instead of avoiding it, maybe they’d worked out sooner how unfit they were for each other, how they wanted different things in life, how they weren’t compatible in their goals and what they wanted out of their relationship.

Maybe the whole time they were dating, Shawn was just appeasing him, playing along because he didn’t want to hurt him. Niall loved his tender heart, loved how caring and thoughtful he was. They were total opposites in a way because Shawn doesn’t even know how to give a good road rage and Niall was louder than life.

Maybe it’s his fault that Shawn cheated on him…

‘’I was looking for that.’’

Niall whips his head up and sees Zayn standing two feet away, pointing at the jacket that he’s currently burrowed in.

‘’Oh,’’ Niall says.

Zayn looks like he has a lot of things to say but is doing his best to keep an inscrutable expression on his face. If he didn’t know him so well, he’d say it’s working.

‘’You’re wearing it.’’

‘’I was cold.’’ Niall explains, blushing for some reason.

‘’You can come back inside.’’ Zayn suggests softly. ‘’It’s warmer.’’

‘’I’m done dancing.’’ Niall sighs.

‘’You didn’t dance all night, Ni.’’ Zayn points out.

‘’Fine, I’m just tired.’’

‘’Do you want to talk about it?’’ Zayn asks.

Niall looks at him, really looks at him and wonders if Zayn feels the same way as Shawn did; afraid to confront of him with serious things because he’s afraid of Niall taking it lightly, taking the idea of them together as something wrong, afraid that Niall would just ignore his feelings and hope they will just go away by themselves.

He wonders if he ever made Zayn feel small.

‘’I’m going to go home.’’ He just says and looks the other way, looking for a cab.

‘’Niall…’’ Zayn calls after him, approaching.

‘’Yeah?’’ Niall isn’t looking at him, suddenly feeling shame burning in his chest. He’s never judged Zayn for his feelings, has been very blasé about them when he found out but now he wonders if maybe that isn’t what Zayn wanted from him.

‘’Can you look at me please?’’ Zayn asks, almost pleading.

The taxi Niall hails stops in front of him but Niall turns to look as he opens the door.

‘’What?’’ he says, voice clipped. He’s in a hurry to leave.

Zayn gets the message and shuts down. Niall hates that they’re treading lightly around each other, something they never used to do. He’d rather Zayn curse at this point, maybe even get mad.

‘’Just take care.’’ Zayn says instead, face sad in a way that isn’t becoming of him.

Niall cannot handle it.

‘’Say hi to Liam for me.’’ He says before he gets into the cab.

It’s a low blow and he doesn’t know what’s come over him, feeling defensive and saying something so childish.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

He’s strumming his guitar the next afternoon when Harry knocks on the door of his room.

‘’Mind if I join you?’’ Harry asks. He’s holding his own acoustic guitar, looking at Niall hopefully. They jam when they can, him and Harry but it’s been a while and Niall welcomes the feeling of expressing himself through music without having to say a single world about the whirlwind in his chest.

‘’Nope,’’ Niall clears his papers from the bed to give room to Harry.

Harry sits cross-legged on the bed, his guitar in his lap, fingers already strumming.

‘’Have you written anything?’’ Harry looks around at the papers, some scrunched and some just blank.

‘’Was trying to,’’ Niall mutters. ‘’Just didn’t feel like doing homework, that’s all.’’

‘’Hmm,’’ Harry starts to sync in with Niall as both their fingers graze the strings, a melody striking up and them flowing with it.

That’s the thing about Harry, Niall thinks; he doesn’t push and doesn’t mind spending time in his company in absolute silence, happy to sit without any exchange of conversation. It’s sad how some people won’t strive to seek what’s beyond the looks and the curls and the dimples and the charm but maybe that’s better. Harry has Louis now and he’s happy for them.

They jam a little bit of 1975, some James Bay, some James Arthur until it’s quite clear that he’s moping. But Harry doesn’t say anything, just plays along and he’s got a really great singing voice, the type that draws attention, the type that offers solace and after a while, he feels a little bit better.

‘’Having a slumber party?’’

Niall looks up and sees Zayn leaning against the door jam, dressed in comfy PJs. Niall hadn’t realized that it’s already late afternoon and he hadn’t gone to any of his classes.

‘’When did you arrive?’’ Harry asks, turning around and stretching his legs.

‘’Just an hour ago,’’ Zayn replies. Niall stands up and puts his guitar back in the case.

‘’Well, I’m heading out.’’ Harry announces before he stands up and pats Niall on the shoulder. ‘’Great session, Ni.’’

‘’Anytime, Haz.’’ Niall leans against his study table and watches Harry walk out of the room, by passing Zayn who doesn’t give Harry a side-ways glance, eyes instead zoned in on Niall.

‘’You want something?’’ Niall asks.

‘’Just wanted to check on you.’’ Zayn says.

‘’Anything else?’’

‘’Don’t be like this.’’ Zayn sighs.

‘’Like what?’’

‘’Passive aggressive with me.’’ Zayn says sternly. ‘’I don’t deserve that shit from you.’’

‘’Okay,’’ Niall simply says.

‘’Can we please have a normal conversation now?’’ Zayn asks.

‘’Sure.’’ Niall nods. ‘’How was Liam last night? Great shag, I bet.’’

Zayn’s face twists to anger. ‘’You’re a fucking dick.’’

‘’What? I can’t ask about a friend?’’

‘’Don’t play me for a fool, Niall.’’

‘’Fine, then answer the question. We should talk about these things like it’s no big deal, yeah? I’m cool with it.’’ Niall’s stance is relaxed but inside he’s boiling. For some reason, not one of Zayn’s one night stand, not even Grimmy, have had as much of this aggressive effect on him as Liam does and it’s weird because he actually likes Liam. They’re good friends, just as close to him as Harry and Louis.

‘’Liam is your friend. He’s a good person.’’

‘’So you’re perfect for each other,’’ he says with unmitigated sarcasm.

‘’You don’t seem to approve.’’

‘’Since when do you need my approval?’’

‘’I can’t honestly believe you.’’ Zayn sighs, rubbing his eyes warily. ‘’I tell you that I like you one minute and the next you’re shipping me and Liam through your teeth.’’

‘’You make it sound like I’m fucking jealous.’’ Niall says sternly. ‘’And I’m not.’’

‘’And if I tell you that I turned him down last night?’’ Zayn asks, eyes back on Niall. ‘’What would you say?’’

Niall swallows because he honestly did not expect that.

‘’I don’t know.’’ He says lamely and then starts shuffling his papers off the bed, face burning hot for some reason.

‘’Can’t think of a single thing?’’ Zayn prods. ‘’One tiny thing to say to that?’’

‘’Nope?’’

‘’Since when? You always have something to say about the people I…’’

‘’Fine, am glad.’’ Niall interrupts. ‘’Happy for Sophia, I guess. They’re perfect for each other.’’

‘’Nothing else?’’

‘’Well, there’s not much else to say, really.’’

‘’Right.’’

Niall knows he’s stalling, shuffling papers over and over like they matter. He decides to fuck it; bites the bullet and turns around.

‘’Did you do it for me?’’

‘’Do what?’’

‘’Turn him down? To be with me?’’ Niall flushes even more.

‘’Maybe.’’ Zayn’s eyes are suddenly very interested in the floor.

‘’Oh,’’

It’s never been so awkward between them before and Niall is feeling a mix of wanting the floor to swallow him up and burrow back into Zayn’s jacket that he has folded on his chair.

‘’Anyway,’’ Zayn clears his throat. ‘’I was wondering if you could give me back my jacket?’’

‘’Right,’’ Niall blinks and grabs the jacket off the chair. He feels off-kilter with the way his fingers are gripping the leather and a bit hesitant as he approaches Zayn. By the time he’s standing in front of him, he feels terrified.

‘’You never danced with me,’’ he says quietly.

‘’What?’’

‘’Whenever we go clubbing, you never dance with me.’’

‘’So? Louis always needed a wing-man.’’ Zayn hedges.

‘’Were you worried I’d embarrass you? Push you away?’’

‘’Maybe,’’ Zayn shrugs. ‘’Besides, you almost always had an arm-candy, you know?’’

‘’Wanted to dance with you last night.’’ Niall tells him.

‘’Because you were jealous of Liam or because you wanted to avoid Shawn?’’ Zayn grits.

‘’Just because!’’ Niall snaps. ‘’Okay? No one was for real with me in that room, no one understood and I wanted…’’

‘’What?’’ Zayn asks gently, like he can sense how agitated he was getting.

‘’Someone who knew me best,’’ Niall answers. ‘’Someone who wasn’t going to ask questions or taunt or just…someone who knew me through my soul, Zayn and no one knows me like you do, okay?’’

Zayn looks like at him the way he did when Niall told him he likes boys sometimes, when he told him about his dreams of traveling the world because Ireland was getting too small for him and he felt like suffocating sometimes. Zayn looks at him like he’s paper thin, transparent like plastic and easy to break with one word; he looks at him like there’s nothing wrong with him, like maybe he’s something fierce and not something breakable.

‘’You can let go now,’’ Zayn says, fingers grazing the jacket in Niall’s steely grip.

‘’I don’t want to.’’ Niall takes a step closer.

When Niall moved to London, it was a decision made on the whim. He loved his parents so much to ever think about leaving them but the thought of exploring the world was something that ultimately won over. Looking back though, he never would have actually taken a step into that direction if Zayn hadn’t blurted out that he was going to come along, saying something about getting accepted in the same uni. Niall knew that he hadn’t heard any replies back yet but he played along until eventually they were packing up and taking a plane together.

When Niall had started flirting with Shawn, a part of Niall wanted to see if Zayn would be upset because if he was, he never would have gone out on a date with him. He was genuinely happy when he’d brought Shawn over for dinner six months after they’d met to hang out with the lads, happy that they were just themselves but part of him was more focused on Zayn’s reaction than on giving Shawn his attention and at the time, he reasoned that it was because Zayn was his best friend and his approval mattered and when Shawn confirmed that he was cool about it, he didn’t think much deeper about it anymore.

It feels the same now, almost; the same in a way where Zayn is holding all his attention, the same in a way that he’s terrified if he doesn’t approve what Niall wants to do, afraid of taking a huge leap into the unknown without Zayn’s follow up of, ‘’yeah, let’s go for it.’’

‘’But it’s my jacket,’’ Zayn says softly, like he’s waiting, daring him to move.

He moves.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_‘’Did you ever think about kissing him before?’’ he hears Zayn ask._

_He’s just arrived home from a date with Shawn. It’s quite late at night and he’d been careful not to disturb the peace, turning the key slowly out of the lock, taking off his shoes slowly and tip-toeing to his room._

_He’s on his way to the bathroom, in need of a shower because Shawn had taken him to a dog shelter and had piled puppies in Niall’s arms and taken pictures of him looking all happy as a dog licked his face. Now though, that’s all forgotten because he didn’t think that anyone was still awake but he should’ve figured that out when he lives with two nocturnal boys in their shared apartment._

_‘’Dude, I think about kissing him all the time.’’ Louis replies. ‘’It’s just, he’s handsome you know and I’m curious. You know how I get.’’_

_‘’Curious about what it’s like to kiss your best friend or curious about what it’s like to kiss Harry?’’_

_Niall cannot help but smile as he pauses in front of the door to the bathroom which is opposite to that of Louis’ room; if anyone knows how to ask the right questions, it’s always Zayn._

_‘’Both maybe, I don’t know.’’ Louis replies. ‘’What about you?’’_

_‘’What about me what?’’_

_‘’C’mon; you and Niall? Never any sparks flying over there?’’_

_‘’Nah, I wouldn’t put it like that.’’_

_‘’You were never curious?’’_

_‘’I mean…’’_

_‘’OMG, did I just get Zayn Malik all flustered over a boy?’’_

_‘’Fuck off, Lou.’’_

_Niall hears them laugh like they’re trying to quell themselves from being too loud. He’s sure that Harry is sleeping soundly though, not one to be taken for a light sleeper that one._

_And he wouldn’t want Harry to be disturbed and to come trudging out of his room, not when the conversation he’s eavesdropping on is getting really interesting._

_‘’Seriously though; are you just curious like me or is there something else going on there?’’ Louis asks._

_‘’I’d be lying if I say I’m curious but at the same time…’’_

_‘’What?’’_

_‘’I don’t know; I don’t like getting my hopes up.’’_

_‘’Because you go way back?’’_

_‘’That’s part of the reason.’’_

_‘’What’s the other part?’’_

_‘’I can’t talk about this, man. He’s got Shawn….’’_

_‘’We’re just talking here, Zee. Besides, nothing’s set in stone.’’_

_‘’That’s not a nice thing to say.’’_

_‘’What? I’m just putting it out there.’’_

_‘’Still, they look like a real couple and I don’t think Shawn is goofing around with him.’’_

_‘’I’m not saying anything about them, I’m just saying….’’_

_‘’What? What are you saying?’’_

_‘’I’m saying that it’s okay if you like him, even if it doesn’t change anything. That’s all.’’_

_Niall doesn’t hear Zayn say anything and for a minute there, he wonders if he’s an idiot, standing there in the middle of the night, stalk-still, something shockingly akin to hope and dread blooming in his chest._

_He’s about to move and enter the bathroom when he hears Zayn’s voice._

_‘’If I ever find the guts to tell him how I really feel, I think I’ll puke, Louis.’’_

_‘’That bad, huh?’’_

_‘’Not bad. Just…’’_

_‘’Tragic?’’_

_‘’What’s with you today? Have you been reading Romeo and Juliet or something?’’_

_‘’Of course not; I just didn’t realize you were this into him.’’_

_‘’Lou…’’_

_‘’You don’t think he likes you back? Even a little bit?’’_

_‘’We’re best friends. Do you know how awkward that will be? Like, if he didn’t have Shawn and I tried to make a move…I can’t even imagine it. Niall doesn’t do awkward. It will be ruined between us.’’_

_‘’Hmm, yeah, I get it.’’_

_‘’Yeah.’’_

_After another long pause, Niall finally exhales._

_‘’Do you think if I make a move on Harry, he’ll jump my bones?’’_

_‘’Trust me, Lou; I bet he’ll have no problems at all with tying you up to his headboard if you’re so inclined.’’_

_They dissolve into laughter and Niall tries to muffle his own. He also tries his best the days after not to think about it too much, because doing so is distracting and he’s got Shawn to focus on._

_But since that night, things with Shawn starting to move at a snail’s pace and when the cheating happened, there was no room for anything else._

_Not even Zayn…_

Until now

Zayn, who’s gasping into his mouth when he brings his lips against his, Zayn, whose hips fit perfectly in the grip of his calloused fingers, jacket discarded between them, Zayn, who cried into his shoulder the morning after he’d walked home after his drunken escapade with Grimmy, thinking that Niall would hate him for being so stupid, Zayn, who is now clutching his shoulders and letting Niall probe his tongue deeper into the velvety feel of his mouth.

It brings Niall back to reality, to the fact that he’s kissing his best friend, his hot best friend and he’s not grossed out or irked the way he thought he’d be, the way he’d convinced himself he’d be because for a long time there, Zayn was like a brother to him but maybe he’d been in denial for so long that it’s hitting him harder than usual, how much he’d been holding back, how much he didn’t know he had so much to give and had been bottling up all along.

Now, he can’t seem to stop, is in fact feeling molasses of heat pooling down somewhere in his stomach, feels his chest expanding, making room for the way that Zayn tilts his head ever so slightly, changing the angle of the kiss before delving in for more.

‘’You dropped my jacket.’’ Zayn sighs into his mouth when Niall grips his hips and cages him against the door.

‘’It’s mine now.’’ Niall says, delving into his neck, closing his eyes because he’s afraid of facing the truth, the meaning behind his actions. ‘’I wore it last night and it fits me, really well.’’

‘’That doesn’t make sense.’’ Zayn gasps when Niall bites down his collarbone.

‘’I know.’’

‘’What are you doing?’’

And isn’t that the billion dollar question?

Slowly, he raises his head and looks at Zayn’s honey-coloured eyes, the tiny little smirk on his wet lips.

‘’I’m kissing you,’’ Niall says, flushing red and trying to act like it’s not a big deal. ‘’You got a problem with that?’’

‘’No,’’ Zayn’s smirk softens into a smile. ‘’Just maybe you’d prefer if we close the door, get more comfortable?’’

Niall swallows before he pushes Zayn off the door and goes to close it but the jacket gets in the way. He bends down and picks it up, throws it on the bed before locks the door and continues kissing Zayn against the wall behind the door.

‘’You’re relentless.’’ Zayn sighs, arms winding around his neck.

‘’Sh,’’ Niall pecks him. ‘’Kissing time. Be quiet.’’

Zayn chuckles and Niall swallows it up.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Later on, after they’ve been kissing for almost twenty minutes straight, Zayn cited he needed a smoke and Niall followed him out the balcony to keep him company.

Niall doesn’t do cigarettes or tattoos but he doesn’t mind the smell when it comes to Zayn and he sure has gone with him almost every single time Zayn’s asked him if he wanted to come see his new tattoo to be irked by them. He’s actually very fascinated with his tattoos, spends an awkward amount of time looking at them.

He should’ve known what it meant because that can’t be normal best friends behavior, staring at Zayn’s tattoos, day dreaming about tracing them with his fingers and…

‘’What are you thinking?’’ Zayn asks, snapping him out of his thoughts.

‘’Your tats,’’

‘’Yeah? What about them?’’

‘’Must be a huge turn-on.’’ Niall states. ‘’For all your past prospects.’’

Zayn snorts. ‘’You have a way with words, mate.’’

‘’What? I’m just saying…they’re hot.’’

Zayn quirks an eyebrow at him. ‘’I know you like them.’’

‘’Okay.’’

‘’What else do you like?’’ Zayn asks, tapping the ashes off the bud of his cigarette. Even just that move is hot and Niall doesn’t know where all these pent up feelings are coming from, didn’t even know they were pent up before.

‘’About you?’’

‘’Who else?’’ Zayn snort but there’s a blush tinting his cheeks.

‘’I like your leather jackets.’’ Niall clears his throat. ‘’They look really rugged on you.’’

‘’Okay,’’

Niall feels like there’s more expected from him and as he’s holding on to the steel rail of the balcony, trying to cool his warm hands, he wonders if there’s an end point to this conversation that ends with them kissing again because he liked that more than he ever expected to.

‘’I like how observant you are of everything,’’ Niall says, eyes on the streets below. ‘’I like how you’re not actually afraid of taking a leap of faith into the unknown, how you don’t turn away from your problems, how thoughtful you are.’’

‘’I’m only like that because of you.’’ Zayn says after Niall’s long pause. Honestly, he just feels like he needs to catch a breath because he’s not usually like this; all open and raw. But it’s Zayn and he’s never one to embarrass him or laugh in his face but more like easy to play along with him. Zayn is chill and cool with his every move.

Zayn isn’t playing along now.

‘’What?’’ Niall looks back at him.

‘’I’m only brave when I’m with you.’’ Niall can see his profile because Zayn is looking at the buildings before them, a furrow in his brow. ‘’I’m only observant when I’m with you because you take up a lot of space and you’re unapologetic about it that it’s hard to see how you really feel sometimes so I have to look close and pay attention. You don’t tread softly where you go but rather you make giant leaps look like they’re nothing and it’s been…incredible, just being in your shadow. That’s why…’’ Zayn sighs.

‘’Why what?’’ Niall takes a step towards him.

‘’That’s why I hated Shawn so much for what he did to you.’’ Zayn looks at him, eyes wet. ‘’No one has the right to dim you like that. It’s not right.’’

‘’Did it not occur to you that maybe I deserved it?’’ Niall asks.

Zayn’s face contorts like Niall just shocked him. ‘’Fucking bullshit. Where did you get that crap from?’’

‘’We talked, back in the club and it wasn’t crap. He made some valid points.’’

‘’Yes, I saw but what valid points are you talking about? What did the dick want?’’

‘’Zayn, he loved me.’’ Niall says softly. ‘’Be nice.’’

‘’I fucking won’t. Did he talk about the cheating?’’

‘’No, about you.’’ Niall replies. ‘’He said he knew I had feelings for you.’’

Niall looks at Zayn and sees his eyes widen for a second before they narrow.

‘’That’s not an excuse for him to cheat on you.’’ Zayn says sternly. ‘’And he has no right to blame his actions on you. He’s just trying to guilt-trip you.’’

‘’But he’s not wrong.’’ Niall points out. ‘’I didn’t want to commit to him and I sure as hell didn’t want to meet his parents. For a steady couple like the way we were, that ought to be a natural step, no? Instead, I was taking steps back and I didn’t even realize it.’’

‘’Fine, you were stupid not to break up with him and tell him it wasn’t working out but you didn’t sleep around with someone behind his back, Niall!’’ Zayn says fiercely. ‘’Don’t try to justify his actions by thinking yours were just as worse.’’

Niall looks down at the streets below and though he doesn’t feel soothed, he does feel better. He and Zayn never talked about his relationship with Shawn post break-up. Zayn only knew about the cheating because Niall was too drunk to shut down his brain to mouth filter. That and he was a weeping mess the day he found out and Zayn had to take care of him or else he’d choke on his own tongue.

‘’You never told anyone?’’ Niall asks. ‘’About what he did?’’

‘’No, I had more important things to do.’’

‘’Yeah, like what? Trashing his room?’’ Niall quirks his smile.

‘’Nope, even though I wanted to.’’

‘’What was more important then?’’

‘’You,’’ Zayn stubs his cigarette. ‘’You were hurting so of course I was hurting too.’’

Niall looks at him for a minute, watches the red tinting Zayn’s cheeks spread to his neck before he takes a step closer and hugs him.

‘’I’m so afraid that we won’t work out.’’ Niall whispers into his neck. ‘’But I want it now. I want us to work out.’’

‘’If you’re afraid, then I’m terrified.’’ Zayn says, wrapping his arms around Niall’s shoulders. ‘’I can lose you to Shawn.’’ His voice shakes. ‘’I can lose you to any fling you want but not me. I don’t want to lose you because of me.’’

Niall hugs him tighter. ‘’I don’t want that either. You’re too important.’’

‘’So where do we go from here?’’ Zayn asks tentatively.

‘’Why? You planning on following me?’’

‘’If you’ll have me.’’

Niall feels the shivers running down Zayn’s skin when he places his lips on the underside of his jaws.

‘’So if I move this to the bedroom do you plan on following me there?’’ Niall presses closer, until their lower parts are almost rubbing together.

‘’Sure,’’ Zayn stutters. ‘’I’ll just pick up my jacket and take you out on a date right after.’’

Niall stops lapping at Zayn’s neck. He doesn’t take a step back when he faces him, hands still around his waist.

‘’And where is this date going to be?’’

‘’Nandos, of course. I’m a poor uni student. Can’t take you anywhere else.’’ Zayn smirks at him but he looks flushed and happy.

Niall hums.

‘’Okay then.’’ Niall nods, eyes falling to Zayn’s lips. ‘’I want to kiss you more already but sure, let’s start from the top.’’

Zayn doesn’t say anything to that; he just grabs Niall’s face and starts kissing him like he can’t get enough. Niall closes his eyes and the idea that he’s kissing his best friend fades away and in its stead, comes the feeling of kissing a boy he’s loved for years, a boy whose art he’s admired, whose actions spoke louder than words, whose words of comfort spoke volumes, whose fierce loyalty to him knew no bounds.

He’s loved him long before he’s realized and it’s easy to fall into it, easy to let go and feel less fear and more warmth, less hesitation and more hope.

Zayn’s right; he doesn’t tread softly. There’s nothing soft about the way he kisses Zayn back, nothing but heat and desire and a roaring in his ears. There’s nothing he wants more than to swallow him up and the thought is new and shocking but the way Zayn’s reciprocating is making him feel bold and reckless, like he can be anyone; he can be in love with his best friend and no one will judge him for it. He can kiss his best friend and be more turned on by it.

He doesn’t have to prove anything because he can just be himself with Zayn, more than anyone else, he can be totally himself and Zayn will still like him, love him even.

‘’Say you’ll go steady with me,’’ he sighs as he inches his lips a fraction away from Zayn, eyes closed and forehead against forehead. ‘’No more flings, yeah? Just you and me?’’

‘’Well...’’ He feels Zayn swallow and when he opens his eyes, he waits with baited breath.

‘’It can’t be hard.’’ Zayn bites his lower lip like maybe he’s hoping Niall doesn’t get him the wrong way.

‘’Yeah?’’

‘’Yeah.’’ Niall smiles before he gets back to kissing Zayn. For now, that’s more important.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

‘’So, any chances you’re going to get your head out of your arse soon?’’ Niall asks. They’re back in the dance club and he and Harry are sat at the bar. His boyfriend of three months is dancing with Louis in clear view of them and he’d be there by now, arms wrapped around Zayn’s skinny waist if not that Harry is moping.

‘’I don’t know what you’re talking about.’’ Harry says, pout evident even with a straw between his lips, a fruity drink in his hand.

‘’Mate, I’m not deaf; your sex life is wild and he’s not exactly a quiet lad.’’ Niall points out. ‘’But it can’t just be sex to you, c’mon.’’

‘’What if it’s to him and not to me?’’ Harry asks, eyes growing dark and Niall knows how Louis can be on the dance floor. Hell, Louis and Zayn are impossible to ignore but he’s trying his hardest to be a good friend right now. ‘’What if I’m the only that that’s caught feelings, Ni?’’

‘’First of all, that boy is in love with you.’’ Niall says, pointing at Louis. ‘’He’s been in love with you for as long as you two have been shagging and I would know; I live with you!’’

‘’And?’’

‘’And second of all, if you don’t say anything about it before summer starts, he might not wait around forever for you.’’ Niall says even though he knows it’s a lie. Zayn’s told him that Louis is just as gone for Harry as Harry is gone for him but they’re both idiots in love and too blind to see the truth. ‘’You know Lou; he doesn’t exactly have the patience of a saint here.’’

‘’Man, he can be so bossy in the bedroom sometimes.’’ Harry says, like he’s day dreaming.

‘’Did not need to hear that,’’ Niall says for what feels like the millionth time. ‘’But I bet you don’t like the thought of him being bossy in the bedroom with someone else, yeah?’’

‘’Of course I don’t!’’ Harry turns to him like he’s scandalized by the thought. ‘’He’s mine.’’

‘’Then make sure of it.’’ Niall points out.

Harry looks back at the dance floor and it’s obvious he just needs another extra push.

‘’You can have sex with him all you want and have his heart too.’’ Niall tells him. ‘’You can take him on dates and tell him you love him and it will be like a Disney movie, man. Don’t you want that?’’

‘’But I already do all that,’’ Harry says almost quietly.

‘’Do you tell him that you love him?’’ Niall asks.

‘’He might run away if I say that.’’ Harry pouts.

‘’He really won’t, H.’’ Niall assures him. ‘’Trust me on this one. That boy wants to do all the same things you do for him, he wants to give you the world but you have to let him, man. You’ve got this.’’

‘’I’ll tell him.’’ Harry says; a look of determination in his face. He finishes his drink in one gulp and staggers to his feet. ‘’Tonight, I’ll blow his fucking world and tell him to be mine.’’

‘’Make sure you don’t blow his brains out.’’ Niall says as seriously as possible. ‘’You may want him to be coherent with your declaration of love.’’

‘’Got it.’’ Harry pats his shoulder and then like a predator, heads towards Louis.

Niall just shakes his head at him and it’s not long before Zayn comes his way.

‘’Talked some sense into him?’’ Zayn asks, steeling Niall’s pint. Niall moves him until he’s between the stool he’s sat on and the bar counter, trapping Zayn between his legs. He reaches for his belt loops so that he has something to hold unto.

‘’You know me, I’m the love guru.’’ Niall waggles his eyebrows at him and Zayn almost snorts his gulp of beer out.

‘’Who the fuck says things like that?’’ Zayn says before he twists a bit and places the beer on the counter. It leaves a stretch of his neck open and Niall latches his lips unto it.

‘’Irish heartthrobs I hear,’’ Niall replies, licking Zayn’s neck and tasting the salt there.

‘’You’re so full of yourself.’’ Zayn says but he knows that tone of voice, knows that Zayn is more likely fond and amused instead. ‘’I’m annoyed.’’

‘’No you’re not; you love me.’’ Niall says before he reaches for Zayn’s waist and pulls him closer. ‘’You can’t get enough of me. You think the world of me. You want to write poetry about my eyes, my laugh, my accent, my co…’’

‘’Okay!’’ Zayn reaches for his face and holds him at eye level but he doesn’t push back his body either. ‘’Are you high? Knowing you, you can’t be drunk.’’

‘’Nah, I’m just madly in love with you.’’ Niall sighs. ‘’And I’d take you to bed right now if not for the fact that our roommates need to get their shit together tonight or I lose my bet with Liam.’’

‘’You made a bet with Liam?’’ Zayn asks.

‘’Yup.’’

‘’What about?’’

‘’That Harry will tell Louis that he loves him and that he’ll do it tonight.’’

‘’And what happens if you lose?’’

‘’I’ll have to drive Liam to work all summer.’’ Niall pouts. ‘’Can you imagine? He’s so mean, Zayn.’’

‘’Well, we can’t let that happen not when I want to take you to bed tonight.’’ Zayn turns around and Niall is quick to place his arms around his waist. ‘’Do you see them?’’

‘’Where did they go?’’ Niall tries to stretch but he can’t see Harry or Louis. He does see Liam and Sophia dancing and they seem to also be wondering where Harry and Louis are, with the way they’re turning their heads.

‘’Do you think they’re doing it in the bathroom?’’ Zayn wonders.

‘’Damn it; they always do this.’’ Niall says but he can’t help but chuckle. Ever since they started banging, Harry and Louis have never let anything hold them back, not even a small cubicle in a dance club bathroom.

‘’Let’s just leave.’’ Zayn says, turning his head so that he can see Niall. ‘’I want you.’’

Niall is known for being a good friend, a love guru and he doesn’t lose bets.

But ever since he and Zayn started dating, he’s got a new reputation to uphold and that is being whipped for the boy in his arms.

‘’Let’s go then.’’ Niall says and while Zayn giddily pulls his hand as they maneuver their way out of the club, he texts Liam that he’d better be legit about the bet or else its void. When Liam sends a question mark, he texts back, ‘’Zee plus bed’’ with a winky-faced emoji. That should be enough to get the message across.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

He’s fascinated by the way his cock is moving in and out of Zayn’s hole, almost thrusting in a daze, mesmerized by the contrast in their skin colour, like coffee and milk blending together, filling the room with an addicting aroma.

Zayn isn’t as loud as Louis is and he’s glad that they have the apartment to themselves. It’s hard to get it on sometimes, with the way Harry and Louis are always like but they’ve found out that since his room is the furthest compared to Zayn’s then it’s the safest place to have sex, away from any noises.

‘’Babe, Ni. I’m so close.’’ Zayn gasps. ‘’Harder, c’mon.’’

Niall goes harder and it’s like he can’t stop, not even when Zayn clenches around him, a tell-tale sign that he’s come. He’s got one hand keeping Zayn’s shoulder in a vice and his other gripping his hip and he’s jack-knifing and pistoling into Zayn the way they like it, hard and fast and just like this, with Zayn’s beautiful back on display. He’s so beautiful; he’s turned on just by the sight of all that skin.

‘’Baby, you’re so hot.’’ Niall grits. ‘’I love you so much.’’

That’s another part of him that he’s discovered, ever since he and Zayn started sleeping with each other. He’s never been into mushy talk when it comes to sex, always spouting filth instead and Shawn used to get so turned on by it until he’s a speechless weeping mess.

But Zayn isn’t as delicate; sure he’s not very vocal or loud as a siren but he always wants more and he can keep up and he likes kissing after sex that it feels wrong saying dirty things to him. When they’re like this, Niall just wants to hand him the world.

‘’Love you, Ni.’’ Zayn sighs, turning his head until half of his flushed face comes to view. The bed is rocking so hard and one of Zayn’s hands is gripping the headboard and the other is clutching the bed sheets. He’s a vision. ‘’Best thing in my life.’’

‘’Won’t ever be without you.’’ Niall vows, climax on the rise. ‘’Will love you forever.’’

‘’Ni…’’

‘’I’m close. I’m so close…’’ he come so hard he whites out a little bit, still thrusting in and out but slowing down, breathing gone rough from the force of it.

He slides sideways after he’s come, moving until he’s lying on his back next to Zayn, breathing loud and hard.

‘’You okay?’’ Zayn ask, voice coming out tired and still shaky.

‘’Best thing…’’ Niall tries to catch his breath. ‘’Best boy ever.’’

‘’Who me?’’

‘’Who fucking else?’’ Niall’s eyes are still closed but he reaches for Zayn until he’s draped across his chest. He wraps his arms around him and buries his face in his hair. ‘’No one like you. Honestly.’’

‘’Hmm,’’ Zayn shoves his face into his neck and it’s nice. It’s more than nice, cuddling with him like this, nice to discover how they fit in every way.

They’re quiet for a while and just when Niall was about to get up and clean them up, they hear their apartment door open.

‘’You really love me?’’

‘’I do; I love you so much, Lou.’’

‘’You took so long to tell me.’’

‘’I know but I’ll show in every way how much I mean it, baby.’’

‘’Show me right now, daddy.’’

‘’Oh fuck,’’ Zayn laughs into his chest. Niall listens more as Harry and Louis stumble upstairs until the noises die down. ‘’You actually won the bet, Irish bastard.’’

‘’Hey, of course I won.’’ Niall says before he hears a loud moan from upstairs. ‘’Oh man, I hope they’re not doing in the hallway.’’

‘’They better not.’’ Zayn mutters. ‘’Because I want to do it there first.’’

Niall cackles out loud.

‘’It’s not a competition, love.’’ Niall says before he tries to get up but Zayn holds on tighter.

‘’Stay a bit longer.’’ Zayn says, cuddling closer. ‘’I’m comfy.’’

‘’Okay,’’ Niall reaches for a golf ball he always leaves on his bed side table and aims it at the light switch beside the door. He throws the ball and manages to hit the target, washing the room in darkness. ‘’Works every time.’’

He feels Zayn smile into his neck. ‘’I love you, Niall.’’

‘’Love you too, babe.’’ Niall reaches for the duvet and covers them up. He’ll just take a nap and then get up and clean them both. For now, he wraps his arms around Zayn and tucks his face back into his hair. ‘’Sleep tight.’’

It’s a good night to be Niall Horan, best friend extraordinaire and Zayn’s boy. It’s something he carries with pride, something he’ll hold onto forever, just like the boy in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are greatly appreciated :D


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